cannabisnews.com: The Party Line 










  The Party Line 

Posted by FoM on March 03, 2001 at 21:16:41 PT
By Patrick Welsh 
Source: Washington Post 

A couple of Saturdays ago, my wife, Angela, and I came home from a late afternoon movie to hear alarming news from our daughter, Claire: A classmate of hers had been killed in a car accident the night before. A few hours later, when Claire went out with friends, as she does many Friday and Saturday nights, I couldn't stop worrying. I imagined all the dangers that might await an 18-year-old girl in the anonymous night -- reckless drivers, creepy boys, alcohol and other drugs. 
And I knew that Claire could be exposed to every one of those if she ended up at one or more of the parties that are a staple of Alexandria teenagers' weekend nightlife. The wild party scene has become ingrained in the culture of our teens, regardless of family background or income, and parents like me are confused and ambivalent about what to do about it. Take the party scandal of the current school year: Last December, a gathering of more than 200 young people at the home of a St. Stephen's and St. Agnes student whose parents were out of town was busted by police, and 23 teens, all but one of them students atthis Alexandria Episcopal school, were taken into custody.I must admit I was amused by the image of kids from the tony private school getting loaded into patrol wagons. But I also sympathized with the parents. I'm sure that when their kids left home that night, not one parent believed they would become so intoxicated that they'd be failing Breathalyzer tests by 9:30 p.m. In fact, that very evening, Claire and I had been having a rare Saturday night together when one of her friends called to alert her to the revelry just a few blocks away. The father-daughter time was over just like that as out the door she went. When she came back within the hour, I was surprised, but two days later I learned why: She told me that as she was pulling up to the party, she had seen the police and decided tohead back home. (Several of my students at T.C. Williams, it turned out, were among the revelers, but they boasted of having been "too smart to get caught.")Over the years, my students have told me a lot about what happens at parties. They've said that many of them simply drink to get drunk as fast as they can and that the designated driver is often the one who "only has four beers." So why did I let Claire go when I knew the temptations kids face at these gatherings? Was I rationalizing that next year Claire will be in college and she had better learn to take care of herself? Was I just trying to avoid an argument? The answer, to be honest, is that, like many parents, I'm at a loss.There was no way I was going to tell Claire she couldn't go to a party with "nice" kids a few blocks away on a Saturday night. I know I have to trust her to do what's right, to follow her conscience and learn from her mistakes. At the same time, like most parents, I deplore the weekend party scene and fear that I'm being too lax and letting my child walk into temptation. But at least, as a teacher, I have a leg up on many adults. When it comes to being aware of their children's whereabouts after they leave the house, lots of parents are, as the kids say, "totally clueless." They don't realize that teens are pros at covering up what goes on in the course of those weekend nights.I'd rather believe that kids are always honest with their parents, but I've learned that even the best of them lie or shade the truth. "Some parents have these meetings every couple of weeks about keeping their kids in control," says T.C. Williams senior Brian McCarthy. "They don't know half of what their kids are doing. The meetings are just gossip sessions. Kids can so easily deceive their parents."Danny Smith, another senior, says that some kids have "learned not to straight-out lie, but edit what they say. 'I'm going to hang out with friends' could mean that they'll be at a friend's house for five minutes, then go out into the night to see what's going on. They take pieces of the evening -- the ones their parents won't object to -- and weave them together."Ironically, the cell phones many parents give their children in order to keep in touchhave become essential teenage tools for keeping parents in the dark while enjoying the party life to the full. Senior Caroline Moncure, president of T.C.'s Key Club and a girl anyone would be proud to have as a daughter, told me that "cell phones and beepers are the major arteries of communication -- of spreading the word where the best parties are. It's much harder without them."Caroline explained that "everyone is part of two or three little groups. With cell phones you can all get together over the course of the night. The object," she told me, "is tobum rush a big house where the parents are away. Most times it's not the fault of the host. Many kids will have just a few friends over, but once the word gets around that the parents are away, kids storm the place."Danny says that some groups will send out a scout to check for the best parties. "When he finds a good one, he'll call a friend on his cell phone and tell him to get the word around," says Smith, who also described the craft ofinfiltrating a big party without an invitation or good contacts. It's wise "to split into small groups and then, when the party has gotten real wild, you go in," he says. "It's best if the host is a weak person. Once you have breached the walls and gotten to ground zero, no one will ask any questions. In big parties you don't even see the host."Alexandra Knezo, a senior, says that some kids "spend the whole night driving around chasing calls. When the parents call the cell phone to ask what they're doing, a lot of kids say they are going to dinner. There's no way of tracing their whereabouts when they have cell phones."All these students are classic "good kids," some of them top scholars on their way to great colleges. But it's kids like them who, because they do what they are supposed to do during the school week, can easily avoid suspicion and get away with a lot on the weekends. Senior Blair Cantfil, a bright and witty girl, finds the party scene good theater. She described a gathering where most of the revelers were drunk when calls started coming in warning that the police were on their way. "It was like a scene from a war movie. The house emptied in 10 seconds. About 60 kids, some girls in high heels, charged toward a fence in the back yard and scrambled over it. Then you heard a big splash. One guy had fallen into the neighbor's pool."As wild as the party life may seem, there is some consolation for parents. Caroline says that while there is a teen drinking problem, she also has observed many teens acting responsibly at parties. "If a girl slips up and gets totally drunk, other girls and her guy friends will protect her from predatory boys and see that she gets home safely," she says. "Most kids are careful not to drive after drinking a lot."That may sound like teenage rationalization, but Bethesda child and adolescent psychiatrist Lawrence Brain told me the same thing. "Kids today have a heightened sense of responsibility about the dangers of alcohol and other drugs," Brain says. "It's a phenomenon like the decline in teen pregnancy. Instead of just preaching abstinence, society put a value on safe sex and the message has gotten through. Instead of trying to prevent all teen drinking, which is like trying to control the tide, a value has been put on avoiding the dangers that come with drinking -- alcohol poisoning, date rape, drunk driving, violent behavior. Things are toned down today from what was going on 10 and 15 years ago. You no longer have gangs of boys from D.C. and Montgomery County private schools fighting each other with clubs and vandalizing property like they were."But Brain is concerned that young people of this generation "don't believe the rhetoric of the establishment about marijuana. They see it as just a parental control issue rather than the reality. It's been demonstrated that marijuana affects cognitive functioning and memory and leads to apathy and lack of motivation. But it's been getting more popular with adolescents for a long time."When senior Clayton Doyle told me that Ecstasy is the new drug on the party scene, I thought she might be exaggerating, but Brain confirmed what she said. "Ecstasy is the drug of choice among many teens. It's joined marijuana, alcohol, nicotine and acid as the principal drugs of middle-class kids."It's distressing to hear from Brain and from students that the urge to let loose on weekends and indulgein forbidden substances seems to start young.One T.C. junior says the party culture comes into full bloom in eighth and ninth grade. "Staying away from alcohol and drugs was stressed up until about sixth or seventh grade, but then it all stopped," she says. "Attitudes change. Kids start experimenting and forget everything they've learned in D.A.R.E. Most parents can't or won't do anything. They think it's other parents' responsibility because their kid is the angel of the group -- it's other people's kids who are involved."The student thinks that high schools should play a bigger role in attacking the alcohol/drug culture. "There are kids coming to school high," she says. "Some drop a couple of shots of vodka in their coffee during lunch." I admit that although I've taught for more than 30 years, I didn't recognize when students were using drugs until recently. Now I know to ask parents whether a teen who is bright but vegetating in class has a marijuana problem. Surprisingly, parents often admit that is the case, and seem grateful for my asking.Talia Glasberg, another senior, thinks the only way to cut down on teen drinking is to raise the driving age. "If kids couldn't drive until they were 18, parents would have to drive them to parties and pick them up," she says. "With a car, it's too easy to drive off and say you are going to the movies and then go wherever you want."But most of my students finger the legal drinking age of 21 as the motivator behind their weekend indulgence. Danny Smith says "the drinking laws are a joke. We can go into battle and kill someone, vote and drive a car by the time we're 18, but we can't have a drink until we are 21. That gives kids a lot to rebel against and leads to excess." One very bright girl told me that "half the fun of drinking is going out and buying the booze, because it's forbidden."In a world where so much is instantly accessible to young people, telling them they can't drink beer until they are 21 seems to them like an artificial restriction created by hypocritical adults, many of whom are packing AA meetings. At the same time, teens find it hard to believe that society is really serious about a legal drinking age of 21 when they see the television airwaves flooded with seductive, often hilarious ads glorifying beer and featuring beautiful young women andyoung men who look the same age as many of my students.Certainly one of the largest factors propelling teens toward alcohol excess is the fact that drinking is so much a part of the American culture. My conviction was reinforced after I talked to some foreign students. Usman Akhtar came here from Pakistan nine years ago, so he has had a lot of time to be corrupted by American teens. But though he goes to parties, Usman doesn't drink. "It's a matter of self-discipline and respect for myself, my family and my religion," he says. "My parents never drink and have pushed me not to. But I can see if you are brought up in a culture where your mom and dad drink, it is not a big hurdle for you to start doing so."Ultimately, it's up to us parents to steer our children in the right direction. Several students said that when theydecided to be upfront with their parents and told them they drink, their relationship greatly improved. The parents appreciated the honesty and were glad to have a realistic picture of what was really going on with their kids. "My parents don't endorse it, but at least they know it's happening," said one. "It helps them get rid of the distorted images they have of parties -- that they are like scenes from 'American Pie' with everyone plastered and having sex all over the place. The parties where I drink aren't like that."Another top student who admits to drinking but says she doesn't plan to talk to her parents about it until she is 21, offered a different slant. "I don't get the parents who sanction drinking," she said. "If teen drinking is a taboo, then teens have to live in fear that they'll get caught, that their parents will get angry. If parents have taught their kids how to make the right decisions, to be decent people, then the kids will make smart decisions about parties."That's what Angela and I have tried to do with Claire. I know we can't control exactly what she does when she's out and having fun. Sometimes she may do things we'd rather she wouldn't do. But every time she goes out the door and heads into the night, we know there's a pretty good chance she'll make the right decisions.Patrick Welsh teaches English at T.C. Williams High School in Alexandria. Source: Washington Post (DC) Author: Patrick WelshPublished: Sunday, March 4, 2001; Page B01 Address: 1150 15th Street Northwest, Washington, DC 20071Copyright: 2001 The Washington Post Company Contact: letterstoed washpost.comWebsite: http://www.washingtonpost.com/Feedback: http://washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/edit/letters/letterform.htm 

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Comment #5 posted by Imprint on March 04, 2001 at 12:03:11 PT:
Harm Reduction
This parent/teacher didn’t really dive into the real answer, which is harm reduction. Teenagers and adults will engage in mind-altering drugs of one kind or another. This is a fact that we must come to grips with. The possibility of drinking will be something each person will be faced with and a teenager is most likely to be confronted with a first time experience. A parent should teach their teen the facts, pro’s and con’s of this drug so their teen will be able to make the best decisions they can. Further, this parent/teacher isn’t properly informed about marijuana. He writes the following ”It's been demonstrated that marijuana affects cognitive functioning and memory and leads to apathy and lack of motivation”. This isn’t totally true, “cognitive functioning and memory” are only present when high on marijuana. The high from marijuana lasts for two to four hours. So, the correct harm reduction strategy would be, don’t engage in marijuana use before class or study. The notion of “apathy and lack of motivation” is once again only while high. Many marijuana users are over achievers. Even under the best conditions harm can come to each of us. The idea is to reduce the occurrence with education.
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Comment #4 posted by MikeEEEEE on March 04, 2001 at 07:15:36 PT
The Childrun
I see another frightened, confused parent. Maybe the government should make a few more useless laws that fill the jails, to comfort the parents; to give them peace of mind. As long as it's not their kids put in jail, right? Parents: It isn't working, be honest with your kids, kids aren't stupid, they don't fall for the government propaganda.
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Comment #3 posted by J.R. Bob Dobbs on March 04, 2001 at 07:12:10 PT
Hypocritical
>>Instead of just preaching abstinence, society put a value on safe sex and the message has gotten through. Instead of trying to prevent all teen drinking, which is like trying to control the tide, a value has been put on avoiding the dangers that come with drinking -- alcohol poisoning, date rape, drunk driving, violent behavior. Things are toned down today from what was going on 10 and 15 years ago.  This is generally called "harm reduction", and it's a strategy which will work better than outright prohibition for just about anything - teen sex, alcohol, marijuana, ecstacy... but while the above paragraph discusses alcohol in a reasonable and tolerant light, the passages dealing with illegal drugs still have much Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt, even if the drugs in question are safer than alcohol. Here's to FUD reduction!!
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Comment #2 posted by zenarch on March 04, 2001 at 06:12:33 PT
What's the problem?
So kids are learning to think critically . . . . They don't buy the half truths, lies and propaganda of the establishment . . . . this will serve them well in life!But Brain is concerned that young people of this generation "don't believe the rhetoric of the establishment about marijuana. They see it as just a parental control issue rather than the reality. It's been demonstrated that marijuana affects cognitive functioning and memory and leads to apathy and lack of motivation. But it's been getting more popular with adolescents for a long time."I teach my kids to think for themselves in all situations! They wouldn't walk off a cliff because a friend of their's thought it was cool OR because some inept, misguided and/or intellectually bankrupt authority figure TOLD them to!!!! The establishment has destroyed their own credibility why should anyone, let alone kids, fall in line behind their death-march?ALSO . . .They don't realize that teens are pros at covering up what goes on in the course of those weekend nights.Another thing I've noticed, my critical-thinking kids aren't afraid of me! I routinely hear the gory details of their adventures; Gives me a great opportunity to educate them about potential threats they may not be able to anticipate. I don't lie to them - they don't lie to me, hmmm . . . . mutual trust and respect,,, what a concept!There's a zen to child rearing . . . . it demands that parents be Mindful, Disciplined and Patient.Works for me.
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Comment #1 posted by Dankhank on March 04, 2001 at 04:41:34 PT:
What
a rambling piece of dreck ...The man is content to sit back and HOPE that his girl remains sensible, and God forbid she do any illegal drug ... wait, I forgot, to a kid all drugs are illegal ...I do agree with the 18/21 question. If we are gonna ask a kid to fight for our country they should be allowed to drink, but only if they enlist in the military, first.
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