The Whizzinator: A House Panel's No. 1 Priority

  The Whizzinator: A House Panel's No. 1 Priority

Posted by CN Staff on May 18, 2005 at 11:41:15 PT
By Mark Leibovich, Washington Post Staff Writer 
Source: Washington Post 

Washington, D.C. -- Every so often, in the hushed galleries of Congress, history unfolds in a manner that casts the momentous business of Capitol Hill in stark, even humbling relief. Then there are moments spent discussing the Whizzinator.
Yesterday morning in Room 2123 of the Rayburn Building, Rep. Bart Stupak, a sober-voiced Democrat from Michigan, held up an advertisement for the "drug-test subversion device," which received national attention last week when it was learned that an NFL player had been detained at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport after authorities found the state-of-the-art prosthetic in his luggage (with a packet of dehydrated urine). The player -- Onterrio Smith of the Minnesota Vikings -- was detained, word of his predicament leaked (ahem), and Smith became an inadvertent billboard for the Whizzinator.The Whizzinator isn't quite the gold standard in athletic endorsements. Rather, Stupak is bemoaning the ease with which people can buy Whizzinators with credit cards, money orders or checks, and have them delivered by U.S. mail or UPS or FedEx."How will we stop the flow?" he asks plaintively. A small cluster of spectators -- seizing on the unintended double-entendre -- giggle audibly in the back of the room.It is one of those mornings.The hearing -- which was scheduled before the Smith incident -- lasts three hours and includes testimony from federal investigators, district attorneys and representatives from the drug-testing sector (including the aptly named Barry Sample of Quest Diagnostics Inc.). They testify eloquently about the perils, loopholes and outrages inherent in drug-masking and "the human cost of adulterated or substituted specimens." They keep mentioning the Whizzinator.Onlookers stifle cackles and snickers, or try to. "People want to make this a skit on 'Saturday Night Live,' " says Rep. Joe Barton. But it's not funny, the Texas Republican says, not funny at all."You don't want to be able to walk into your local Kmart or something and buy a Whizzinator," testifies Susan Reed, the district attorney from Bexar County, Tex."This has been like free advertising for the Whizzinator," bemoans Robert Cramer, an investigator for the Government Accountability Office, referring to the Smith incident.Cramer is stretching his legs during a brief recess while a small spectacle develops a few feet away. A press scrum gathers around Dennis Catalano, originator of the Whizzinator. He is one of three representatives from companies that make products that could be used to subvert drug tests who have been compelled (by subpoena) to testify.Catalano, who owns Puck Technology of Signal Hill, Calif., is something of a Henry Ford figure in this business. There are all manner of urine purifiers and substitutes on the market. But nobody beats the Whizzinator in terms of brand recognition, especially after Onterrio Smith.Still, no one is revering these men as industrial visionaries. Rep. Greg Walden (R-Ore.) calls them "jokers" and asks one how they can sleep at night.In response to questions from reporters, Catalano merely strokes his long gray beard and presses down on his lips with two fingers. How has the airport incident been for business?"He will not be saying anything," says Barry Boss, Catalano's attorney. At one point, Catalano, who is wearing a white sport jacket over a Hawaiian shirt, emits strained squeaks, and one reporter asks if he is actually capable of speaking."Yes," Catalano whispers, now pulling on his beard.Catalano takes his seat when Rep. Ed Whitfield (R-Ky.), chairman of the oversight and investigations subcommittee of the Energy and Commerce Committee, calls the hearing back to order. After a videotaped appearance by a prison inmate who testifies about the ease with which he could evade drug tests, Catalano and his fellow barons move to the front of the hearing room. They rise, in tandem, raise their right hands and take their oaths. Whitfield asks Catalano a question about the potential legitimate uses of the Whizzinator."On the advice of my attorney," Catalano says quietly, "I respectfully decline to answer under my Fifth Amendment right."Whitfield dismisses Mr. Whizzinator, who bolts from the hearing room, grinning. He arrived in Washington this morning, on the red-eye from California, and is now headed back to the airport. No, he says in response to a question, he did not get to enjoy the spring day, see any sights or take in the monuments."But I've seen one of the greatest monuments of all," Catalano says, now fully animated. "I've sat before one of the greatest bodies in the world." With that, the originator of the Whizzinator marches toward a waiting car and into history.Newshawk: Nicholas Thimmesch IISource: Washington Post (DC)Author: Mark Leibovich, Washington Post Staff WriterPublished: Wednesday, May 18, 2005; C01Copyright: 2005 Washington Post Contact: letterstoed washpost.comWebsite: CannabisNews Drug Testing Archives

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Comment #54 posted by jose melendez on May 24, 2005 at 14:42:25 PT
"Then I dug something . . ."
"Prosthetic" Device in Restraint of Commerce - - -“The date of Lenny Bruce’s death [in 1966],” the authors 
    of “The Trials of Lenny Bruce” conclude, “is as good 
    a marker as any of the moment when words alone--any performance words spoken in comedy clubs--ceased to be targets of prosecution.” The 
    book comes with a CD containing relevant excerpts from interviews and 
    Lenny’s performances, ranging from his poetic descriptions (a judge 
    with “thick fingers and the home-made glass eye”) to his bit 
    about prosecutors using in court the same words that Lenny got arrested 
    for: “[Bruce] said ‘blah-blah-blah’--then I dug something, 
    they *liked* saying ‘blah-blah-blah.” Moreover, hidden in the gray attache’ case that Lenny always carried into court was 
    a portable reel-to-reel tape-recorder, which captured Kuh reveling in 
    those words as he cross-examined witnesses for the defense. “The Trials of Lenny Bruce” serves as the missing link between two of 
    Lenny’s statements: “In the Halls of Justice, the only justice 
    is in the halls.” And, “I love the law.” Indeed, as 
    club owners became increasingly afraid to hire him, he devoted more and 
    more time and energy to the law, and when he finally got a booking in 
    Monterey, he admitted, “I feel like it’s taking me away from 
    my work.”
Lenny Bruce on "blah blah blah"
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Comment #53 posted by FoM on May 22, 2005 at 09:03:12 PT
I agree with the both of you. We've been dealing with it for years. 
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Comment #52 posted by billos on May 22, 2005 at 09:00:14 PT
I'm afraid Nick is correct.Somewhere back in (circa) 1987 the Supremes decided that the Private secor has more rights than the individual.In other words; when you go to work your Bill of Rights lapses.Imagine!?
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Comment #51 posted by Nick Thimmesch on May 21, 2005 at 07:12:45 PT:
Maybe in thirty or so days...
...there will be more people able to take the test:Article published May 21, 2005
Ohio State Police stop truck hauling marijuanaEATON, Ohio -- Ohio State Police Friday afternoon found 135 pounds of marijuana when they stopped a pickup truck hauling a fishing boat on Interstate 70.According to published reports, police stopped the pickup for erratic driving.Police brought in a drug-sniffing dog for a search and the dog detected drugs in both the truck and boat.The driver was taken into custody but police did not release his name and place of residence as of early Friday evening. Police also reportedly found methamphetamine and a loaded handgun in the truck.Police said they believe the drugs were from Arizona and were bound for Cleveland.Police said the marijuana had a street value of $400,000. 
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Comment #50 posted by FoM on May 19, 2005 at 18:12:16 PT
They just completed and are trying to open a new Walmart in our area. They expected 2000 people to apply for only 500 jobs. Only 200 showed up to apply. The more companies push drug testing the more people will not want to work for them and will find work that won't require it. People don't want to keep giving up their rights and someday it will be well known when it effects a lot of people's lives.
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Comment #49 posted by Nick Thimmesch on May 19, 2005 at 17:04:24 PT:
Private sector...
...trumps everything in America, FoM: sorry.Why don't they have to get a warrant for urine? 
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. when most people get a drivers license, they sign away the aforementioned "rights" as well: about drugs and driving?
A person does not have to be drinking to be arrested for driving under the influence. Drivers can be arrested for DUI with a blood alcohol concentration of 0.00 percent if there is proof that the impairment is due to drug use. Driving after using drugs appears to be more common among young drivers (13 percent for those 16-20 years old) than older drivers (5 percent for those 21 and older).In the Commonwealth of Virginia, when you sign for your license, you consent to being drug tested AT ANY TIME, even if you are not driving: any amount of marijuana in your system is grounds for revocation. 
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Comment #48 posted by FoM on May 19, 2005 at 16:41:03 PT
Drug testing has been a part of our life personally since 93. It's a terrible thing. It's demoralizing and makes a person feel like an object rather then a human being. There are many small companies that have given up on drug testing if they can. Some companies can't. Small companies lose their most experienced workers when drug testing is used. It's a sad state of affairs all the way around.
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Comment #47 posted by Hope on May 19, 2005 at 16:26:41 PT
Why don't they have to get a warrant for urine?
 The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
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Comment #46 posted by Hope on May 19, 2005 at 09:43:01 PT
Billos, EXACTLY. Chilling, isn't it?
"I now understand how the German people were led to the slaughter. It's happening here in front of us."
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Comment #45 posted by cloud7 on May 19, 2005 at 06:42:08 PT
"potential legitimate uses of the Whizzinator"
How about paying my final respects to the resting places of the fallen leaders of the war on drugs? 
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Comment #44 posted by Nick Thimmesch on May 19, 2005 at 06:02:33 PT:
No Whizzinators at Wal Mart, but we do have...
...a Henry 44 Mag:"District Attorney Susan Reed is so presumptive to ask, "You don't want to be able to walk into your local Kmart or something and buy a Whizzinator,"While I am a total supporter of the Second Amendment -- but would never personally own nor want a gun in my home -- it's odd that anyone over 18 can walk into a Wal Mart and buy one of these:
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Comment #43 posted by billos on May 19, 2005 at 04:33:29 PT
The antis' would love to mandate that anyone going for a drug test strip down and put a johnny on. Are they going to go as far? Are they going to say that anyone going for a test will be patted down for the purpose of feeling for a "cheat device"? 
Or are they just going to mandate that the urine sucker actually eye witness the stream exiting from your body while feeling your member to be sure it's real??
The Bushies would love to legislate that anyone, in any workplace, wear a sweat patch that will be changed out every week for the purpose of checking for the evil metabolites.When will people stand up. I now understand how the German people were led to the slaughter. It's happening here in front of us.
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Comment #42 posted by gloovins on May 19, 2005 at 02:29:41 PT
There is a legit use for it Mr (nit)Whitfield....
urophobia is fear of urinating and some experience this when "forced" to urinate on command -- that may be a seperate phobia - anyway -Now they'll say this is all in the "druggies's" head but this fear can happen to anyone guilty or not hence, it could be used for collecting one's own authenically clean urine sample so they could do it at home right before hand where they feel comfortable, and I guess follow instructions for this Whizzinator and use it legit like that so as to give a sample that's theirs & use this again legit. Hope his attorney is reading this.Takes anyone?
Phobia List
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Comment #41 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 22:39:52 PT
I use a really good program to make pages called Front Page 2003. It's for people who aren't programmers. I learned on a free one Microsoft gave with the browser years ago. Then I bought Front Page 2000 and now with this new computer I have the 2003 version. I have always been able to work with it fairly easily and that matters because it saves me so much time. The browser stats on my FTE site show 90% IE and 6% Firefox. I guess I'll need to learn how to use another program if Firefox takes off and more people start using it as their primary browser.
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Comment #40 posted by BGreen on May 18, 2005 at 22:31:49 PT
I know why your pages look better with IE
meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 6.0"
meta name="ProgId" content="FrontPage.Editor.Document"
 Freedom To Exhale I'd guess that using a microsoft program to view your pages built in a microsoft program would give you the optimal presentation. I'd bet you that's not just a coincidence.The only problem is that as more and more of your readers switch browsers they're not going to be seeing your web page as you envisioned. It's kind of like hanging the Mona Lisa upside down. LOLThe Reverend Bud Green
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Comment #39 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 22:23:48 PT
Mostly I'm liking it alot. It seems faster, which matters to me because I have a dial up connection and a slow one at that. But I've been getting a lot of no data pages or something today. So I've used IE some. They seem to work fine together. But I do generally like Firefox better. IE is a lot slower for some reason.
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Comment #38 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 22:18:33 PT
Throughout reading your post, I found myself nodding my head in agreement with what you were saying.You are so right.And thank is hard to stay "up" when you find yourself having to resist such undemocratic leaders who have already lost the republic and continue unheeding in their destruction of freedom.The Whizzenater episode in congress...may it live in infamy and go nowhere in making the lives of the American people that much more shackled.
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Comment #37 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 22:14:44 PT
Luckily Stick didn't get hurt. It was funny because he said he was going to make the path and within fifteen minutes he walked thru the door with a bummed out look on his face. I had to laugh because it's one of those things you won't forget. If he had gotten hurt it would have been a whole different memory. We're up fairly high where we live. There's only one other peak higher in our county. It's not like PA mountains though. We had big mountains back there. We're about 1200 feet above sea level if I remember those stats right.
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Comment #36 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 22:07:44 PT
Good grief! That sounds scary.
I thought we had had some scary tractor episodes, but that sounds awful. I would have been terrified. I hope Stick didn't get hurt. Dang, I bet that was scary.The worst we've had, since we don't have serious hills, is fishtailing in the mud while trying to move round bales and the occasional unexpected jump or the rare "wheelie", that you described. We, my little sister and I, are so careful we are like old ladies with that thing. Wait...I guess we are old ladies. I forget about that!I'm sure relieved that getting older doesn't feel "old", usually. I felt really old when I was down in my back a few years ago, but I don't feel old now, most of the time anyway, thankfully.
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Comment #35 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 22:05:17 PT
That was a really nice post you made. I also want you to know I downloaded Firefox and use it to check my web pages. The only problem I've had with the browser is I use frames on my pages and they don't have the definition that I normally have. I can't make fancy pages but I like to fiddle with frames. I remember Netscape didn't show frames as well either. I don't know why though. It also doesn't change fonts when I change fonts on a page for some reason. See I'm still anti-establishment! LOL!
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Comment #34 posted by BGreen on May 18, 2005 at 21:55:02 PT

I'm glad you're feeling better. It's hard to remain "up" all of the time when it's the governments job to beat us down 24/7.I question the intellect of our "leaders" when I read the crap that they say, but then my faith in humans is restored when I read MY feelings and thoughts expressed by the posters here at CNews. walters and the other lying idiot club members couldn't debate any of us without being exposed as the lying idiots that they are.Their only chance of beating us is by eliminating us by whatever evil means necessary and that will never happen as long as we keep our voices strong and united.Being a regular poster and reader of has given me more hope, strength, confidence and determination than I've ever had in this battle. I've refined my spiritual and political beliefs which has made me a better person and a better citizen of the world.I know that most of the posters feel the same way. That's why we're here.The Reverend Bud Green
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Comment #33 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 21:46:48 PT

Our tiller is very old. We bought it in maybe 1980 and many years it wasn't used. It's a rear tine tiller and they don't jerk a person around like the ones with the tiller in the front. I do know that this tractor has some worth and people have wanted to trade us a newer lawn mower for it but I had a hissy fit and it's still with us. My husband wanted to cut a path down over the hill for us to ride the horses years back and it took off and started running down the hill but it's a steep hill. His only option was to crash it into a tree to stop it. He had to put on a new radiator and then he had a roo bumper made and welded to the front of it. It needs painted but I just love that old tractor. 
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Comment #32 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 21:38:15 PT

Tractor and Tiller Troubles
I can sure understand that. I've got a good tiller here, but no way to haul it and the one I use at the farm is out of commission again. It tilled about ten feet before it gave out again and I've been trying to fight weeds by bringing hay into the garden for mulch. It's been rough, but the tiller is supposed to be on it's way back to us. We have an old tractor too, but it's not nearly as old as yours. Yours is probably valuable as a collecters piece. Have you ever watched Classic Tractor Fever on the RFD network? People are crazy about those old tractors. Ours isn't old enough to be valuable, just falling apart and a marathon of troubles everytime we have to use it. Last winter the cows would line up and watch us when my sister and I would try to get it going to bring them hay. Sometimes they were terribly disappointed, but they would kick and leap with joy whenever they would see us finally get it started and keep it started.
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Comment #31 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 21:22:33 PT

Snapdragons sound great to grow. I love those little flowers. Our tiller broke today and we couldn't get the garden tilled so I can get in some vegetables but it will be fixed soon. The good news is our 1939 tractor finally is fixed and working. My husband has literally changed about every thing you can change on one of them and finally many dollars later it works. Now I'll be able to buzz around quick on the tractor instead of putting around on the mower. I pop wheelies acidentally sometimes and I really scare my husband. I just think it's cool! LOL!
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Comment #30 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 21:17:00 PT

And another thing....
No shrink bill!"And tell me, Hope...Your concern over Congressional Whizzenater does that make you feel?"

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Comment #29 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 21:12:34 PT

You're so right about getting outside being helpful. I went out and sowed some snapdragon seeds during the worst of it. I'm hoping to manufacture some snapdragons since my husband is fond of them because his grandmother liked to grow them and show him how the little dragons could snap their jaws at him.That whizzenater business sent me so completely low, but in all my years of dealing with how bad a spell of fairly dark depression can make me feel, with the help of my cyber friends here, I never recovered so fast. I'm amazed. I thought I was going to have to dwell in that weirdness for awhile. You guys are truly a Godsend for me.

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Comment #28 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 21:01:56 PT

JSM and Toker
I wanted to thank you specifically, too, for your posts that help lift me out of that dark place. Thank you.They brought me down a bit, no doubt with their carrying on over the "plastic willies" (a good one, Kap). But I'm better.Whew!

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Comment #27 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 20:55:55 PT

I'm glad all the people here on CNews helped. We are a special community of like minded people that have real feelings and pain. We have down times and up times just like life. Today I spent a good deal of time walking around outside and then mowing. I had my head phones on and took Neil along for the adventure. I call it an adventure because it is so beautiful this time of year and the air smells so clean. The down side is I get sinus headaches with all the pollen but it is always worth it just to be in God's creation sometimes for me.
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Comment #26 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 20:30:51 PT

Fom, Post 22, and Jose
"A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment."Definitely made me smile and definitely felt the spark of hope a smile can ignite.Jose, it was also definitely an encouragement to see you and Kirk posting over at Pardon My English. You are getting published so much! You have the gift of making people think. That’s so good.I am definitely recovered from the low I was in this afternoon. Thank you all so much. I feel like I can breathe again!Thanks again, all of you, for taking the time to pick up a fellow soldier who was about to be tempted to go into the fetal position. I appreciate it so much.
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Comment #25 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 20:21:49 PT

Good job. Keep writing. I don't write to papers but it's very important that people do. 
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Comment #24 posted by Jose Melendez on May 18, 2005 at 20:07:26 PT

Maybe Walters will be taking the fifth!
That was my fifth published letter this month!

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Comment #23 posted by Dankhank on May 18, 2005 at 18:48:17 PT

Good One Jose
Great Questions for the masses to contemplate ...
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Comment #22 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 18:37:52 PT

I went and looked up the word Hope and I like this definition I posted below. I've been so down at times in my life that I had to look up to see the bottom of my shoes. All things come to pass. Nothing ever comes to stay so sadness will pass too.Here's a good definition I believe.A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment. 
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Comment #21 posted by jose melendez on May 18, 2005 at 18:32:29 PT

charge: charged and recharged
URL: Tue, 17 May 2005Source: Knoxville News-Sentinel (TN)Copyright: 2005 The Knoxville News-Sentinel Co.Website: Jose MelendezReferenced: ON DRUGS HARMS SOCIETY With respect to the editorial, "Biggest fights in drug war lie ahead" on 
May 5, ( )(snip)"Why is it that, although 15 of the top donors listed on the Partnership for 
a Drug-Free America site are pharmaceutical interests, this fact 
consistently remains undisclosed in newspaper editorials and public service 
announcements? "
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Comment #20 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 18:24:45 PT

Hitting bottom...
No where to go but back up again.Thanks guys, for the courage recharge.

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Comment #19 posted by jose melendez on May 18, 2005 at 18:12:56 PT

FREEZE DRIED URINE what a great idea!
Can you just see cops performing a warrantless search through your car, looking for those tell tale contraband FREEZE DRIED URINE crumbs worth $65 per gram on the streets . . . you know, about enough to make two 4 ounce sample cups, just add warm water!
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Comment #18 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 18:05:52 PT

More destruction of the rights of citizens of US.
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Comment #17 posted by billos on May 18, 2005 at 17:34:08 PT

....What's next?.........
I see a black market for clean urine because they outlaw selling urine for such an "obscene" reason.Imagine people going to jail for selling urine.Condoms may be outlawed because they are very good for holding urine close to the body until dumping it in the SS' pee cup.Going to prison for SELLING URINE...........
I really cannot believe that Rep Greg Walden asked how he (we) can sleep at night? These people are so pathalogical they actually believe they are the goodie-two-shoes of the world.God, when I die I hope I don't go to hell. I couldn't stand to see Bush again after I go.
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Comment #16 posted by global_warming on May 18, 2005 at 16:38:24 PT

re:that mega depression..
Have you ever wondered, why a man was nailed to a cross instead of a women?--Satan stood up against Israel and incited David to count the people of Israel.So David said to Joab and the commanders of the troops, "Go and count Israel from Beer-sheba to Dan and bring a report to me so I can know their number."Joab replied, "May the LORD multiply the number of His people a hundred times over! My lord the king, aren't they all my lord's servants? Why does my lord want to do this? Why should he bring guilt on Israel?"Yet the king's order prevailed over Joab. So Joab left and traveled throughout Israel and then returned to Jerusalem.Joab gave David the total of the registration of the troops. In all Israel there were 1,100,000 swordsmen and in Judah itself 470,000 swordsmen. But he did not include Levi and Benjamin in the count because the king's command was detestable to him..This command was also evil in God's sight, so He afflicted Israel. David said to God, "I have sinned greatly because I have done this thing. Now, because I've been very foolish, please take away Your servant's guilt." "Go and say to David, 'This is what the LORD says: I am offering you three choices. Choose one of them for yourself, and I will do it to you.'" So Gad went to David and said to him, "This is what the LORD says: 'Take your choice-- either three years of famine, three months of devastation by your foes with the sword of your enemy overtaking you, or three days of the sword of the LORD--a plague on the land, the angel of the LORD bringing destruction to the whole territory of Israel.' Now decide what answer I should take back to the One who sent me." David answered Gad, "I have great anxiety. Please, let me fall into the LORD's hands because His mercies are very great, but don't let me fall into human hands." --May each toke bring you closer to the Holy Spirit, if you do not toke, may the Holy Sacraments, be your testament.--So He got up from supper, laid aside His robe, took a towel, and tied it around Himself... Next, He poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples' feet and to dry them with the towel tied around Him. --peace

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Comment #15 posted by Toker00 on May 18, 2005 at 16:35:10 PT

Don't worry, Hope.
It's your comments as well that help us. We share your dispair. But the most important thing is we all have HOPE.There is no doubt,that a very large march on Washington is in order. Gather and plan. Unite with other Liberty Fighters. It's time.The people are mad as hell, and we are not gonna take it any more! It's time to stop the destruction of Liberty in America!Peace. Legalize, then Revolutionize!(medicine)(energy)(nutrition)
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Comment #14 posted by JSM on May 18, 2005 at 16:30:58 PT:

You forgot just for a moment the meaning of your name. That was a lovely post and it says what is needed to be said. And when it is written here many people will read it and it does have an impact.
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Comment #13 posted by Sam Adams on May 18, 2005 at 16:18:22 PT

You're right, urine testing is probably the scariest aspect of the WOD.  Just because it's done to so many people and no one seems to want to do anything about it. It's a disgrace. It also doesn't really happen outside the US.
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Comment #12 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 16:05:25 PT

The state of things
I get a lot of relief and a glimmer of hope by reading the comments at CNews. It makes me have a bit of hope because your comments make me realize that I'm anything but alone in my desire that things get better concerning peoples rights to be free from an intrusive and oppressive state.I'm not over the hill and off the edge. My plowshare is just dragging a little deeper than I can stand easily right now.
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Comment #11 posted by Hope on May 18, 2005 at 15:50:16 PT

Ever since they started this 
urine and blood search and seizure, I've wondered how it can be allowed in this country at all because of the fourth amendment.This search of urine, blood, and hair chemicals means none of anything we ever thought or were taught about the privileges of living in the USA means anything at all. It's all a lie. We are all slaves to the powers of those who have somehow managed to make themselves our masters. What is life, what is it’s value if we have to live like this?I'm so ashamed of the people of this country who have destroyed everything it was supposed to be. I have to pray that something spiritual would "get them" and shake them like rag dolls until they were either completely senseless and powerless or that they would come to their senses and stop trying to control the lives of other human beings like this. A country of freedom from anything the power mongers want to do to us does not exist at this point in time.My prayer now is that God would find it within his will to somehow give us, those that respect the dignity and freedom of ourselves and others, the power to take back the Creator given rights of all, and take it completely away from those who have abused the power that was entrusted to them.Maybe none of this makes any sense to anyone but me. I'm so upset and so sad at what the world and especially, this country that I so loved, has come to. Yes, I’m mega depressed. I don’t see how anything can get better until people like George Bush come to their senses and try to make the world a better place for people to live and find happiness.You don’t force people to hand over their body fluids and flesh so that you can find out if they are doing something that displeases you in a decent world.Is there any hope for our children other than being slaves of a money worshiping state that doesn't care for anyone's soul or spirit, only his "productivity" for the state? 

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Comment #10 posted by JR Bob Dobbs on May 18, 2005 at 15:00:45 PT

Test the feds
If I'm working as a temp, I have to pee in a cup, but if I'm running for president I don't? How does that work? Test the president, test congress, test every federal agency, starting with the DEA and ONDCP.And while we're on the subject, here's the lyrics to the national no-pee anthem, Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper with I Ain't Gonna Piss In No Jar:Well I ain't gonna pee pee in no cup
Unless Nancy Reagan's gonna drink it up
Said yo Nancy, we just say, no, no, no no no no no
Well go ahead and fire me from my job
There's one little think you ain't gonna rob
That's my freedom,   and my libertyWell I ain't gonna piss in no jar
Them evil peckerheads they done gone too far
I wouldn't pee in their mouths if they were dying of thirst
Yeah we got to get rid of this evil curse
I'm alive and I'm fighting this jiveEverybody should go to Washington
We can have ourselves a little fun
You know, they want our piss, I think we ought to give it to them
Surround the White House with a urinary moat
So Ronnie and Nancy will have to float on a boat
Get across the stinky, steaming yellow pee pee sea, ohYou know Thomas Jefferson is gonna be mighty pissed
When he finds out about this, I said
Come back from the dead, Tom, sock 'em in the headWhy is everybody so afraid of drugs? 
Man they afraid of what the drugs gonna do to usWell I ain't gonna pee pee in no cup
Miss Nancy Reagan's gonna drink it up
Said yo Nancy, we just say, no, no, no no no no no
Well go ahead and throw me in jail
Ram hot spikes up my tail
But you're not gonna get a drop of no peepee out of me
I ain't gonna piss in no jarYou know Foghorn Leghorn wouldn't pee in no jar. You know Patrick Henry didn't "Give me liberty or give me a urine sample" now did he? Aw we sure enough rockin' out, Skid. Huey Long wouldn't piss in no jar! What's gonna be next, the doo doo police?-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-For further reading, I highly reccomend Abbie Hoffman's Steal This Urine Test. The parts about how to beat the tests are way out of date, but the general information and tone of the book is brilliant, and you'll laugh out loud when Abbie goes to the post office to mail a gigantic (and full) urine sample jar to President Reagan.
Amazon: Abbie Hoffman - Steal This Urine Test
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Comment #9 posted by kaptinemo on May 18, 2005 at 14:52:24 PT:

Good one, AlvinCool!
"Fingernator". LOL! Wish I'd thought of it...
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Comment #8 posted by alvincool on May 18, 2005 at 14:27:54 PT

Wait till you get the "Ruginator"
That's right folks. A hairpiece that is attached in a simple but effective manner but can't be detected except as your own. Is it for cosmetics or to get by that pesky drug test?Only your "Ruginator" representative knows for sure.Or the "Weavinator" that allows for a quick and inexpenive weave that mixes with your hair and drops levels below cutoff.Then I'm sure they will move to nail clippings. The "LEEinator" press-on nails should put Lee stock through the roof.Maybe we should just give them the "Fingernator" but I'm sure most of us already have.
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Comment #7 posted by dongenero on May 18, 2005 at 14:24:38 PT

pot busts of the stars, continued
 High times have given way to low times for Desperate Housewives star Cody Kasch.he 17-year-old actor, who plays troubled teen Zach Young on the hit ABC dramedy, was collared in New York Tuesday night after plainclothes police officers spied him allegedly smoking pot in Manhattan's East Village.Kasch was charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession, given a ticket and released. No court date was set. source: E Online
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Comment #6 posted by potpal on May 18, 2005 at 13:20:23 PT

wiz quiz
If you know you're gonna fail, pee on the floor, or your testers shoes, better yet. A national trend of this behavior would be peeutiful.Aloha.
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Comment #5 posted by Dankhank on May 18, 2005 at 13:14:10 PT

Wonderful name for the device ...Hey, it's almost 4:20 on the east coast ...Celebrate ... the stupidity and the farce ...
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Comment #4 posted by dongenero on May 18, 2005 at 12:33:26 PT

too funny!
This is a funny article...except thta it highlights how much they are out to get us.District Attorney Susan Reed is so presumptive to ask, "You don't want to be able to walk into your local Kmart or something and buy a Whizzinator,"Huh? Damn right I want to walk into KMart and buy one.....if you all are planning on testing everyone in the damn country for cannabis metabolites. She presumes that everyone agrees to our Governments and businesses testing US citizens urine over someting they choose to do in the privacy of their own home on their own time. Let me make a presumption. I presume that in the founding of our country there was never any intention of our Government meddling in her peoples' personal business in such a way.
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Comment #3 posted by Sam Adams on May 18, 2005 at 12:23:34 PT

Taking a Whiz
The Whizzinator represents good ol' American ingenuity! I'd be proud to have invented it. It will be interesting, I predict no laws will be passed against these devices. Thousands of construction workers, government workers, and many others would test postive for cannabis and lose their jobs. No, these prosthetics and cleansing drinks are a critical element of the drug war, allowing the feds to do their moral grandstanding carry on in their hypocrisy without actually impeding industry.I think the comment by the DA is can't just walk into Kmart and buy one of these. How telling. This hints at the Utopian world into which we're being carried by the ruling political class & rich elite. One day, all retail outlets other than Kmart and Wal-mart will be gone. The proletariat masses will come home from their service-industry jobs, watch TV to be programmed for the latest cheap plastic goods from China, and then march like lemmings to the local 'Mart to put down their credit cards.When the glorious day comes, we won't have to worry about head shops, whizzinators, anti-Christian movies or music or radar detectors.
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Comment #2 posted by kaptinemo on May 18, 2005 at 12:05:53 PT:

My sides hurt from laughing
Git 'em, Nick, git 'em! Oh man, what a riot. This article was perfect. I can think of nothing more indicative of just how bizarre things have gotten in this country when the most august, powerful, deliberative body in all of human history...spends taxpayer dollars and time in investigating what amounts to squirt guns shaped like plastic 'willies'...and dried peepee. I can't help but think of the last days of the Roman Republic, and the nonsense the Roman Senate back then engaged in, before everything went to Hell. The world today teeters on global conflict, and these ponderously self-important rubes have the time to pontificate about plastic penises? If I laugh any harder I'll split a gut...
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Comment #1 posted by FoM on May 18, 2005 at 11:57:02 PT

Where do they come up with this stuff! The Whizzinator was thought up and developed since drug testing for everyone except for those in powerful positions seems to be what they want for everyone. It's like a battle between cowboys and indians.
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